Letter to the Torch Bearers of Indian Civilization

This post is a Blogadda Spicy Saturday Pick

Dear Sirs and Madams,

We are indeed blessed to have been born into the oldest civilization in the world. The glorious land of thousands of Gods and Goddesses, where unmatched works of art and literature were created; where we have people like you to lead us into the most desired, most blessed civilization the world is yet to see.

The most remarkable individuals that you are, we have to thank you for all those times that you have proved again and again that we are indeed, a nation full of idiots.

While we have people like the Madam who taught us that being called 'sexy' by a bunch of rogues in a street full of castrated, spineless creatures is actually a good thing. We, mere women, were so stupid to think that being treated as an object was actually bad! You opened our eyes to the truth, Madam. Ofcourse, such remarks from random guys on the road are, in reality, a boost to our morale. It also gives us the impression that we, just like you, are young and desirable. Does that also mean, Madam, that when we ignore such comments, and the said 'enthusiastic boys' decide to discover silence as a code to push their luck further, we send them to your address?

In yet another enlightening moment, Madam also educated us simple mortals that your jeans, or your off shoulder dress is actually a code, in the language of her ancestors, to invite an assault on yourself. Ofcourse! Why didn't we ever think of that, Madam - really a eureka moment here. Poor 'enthusiatic boys'! How can we expect them to control their animal urges when we invite them to rape us by not following a dress code? And to think we had the audacity to demand punishment for the poor rapists! Shame on us!

By the way, lets not forget your esteemed sister, who had very selflessly given away the details of a molestation victim all over national media! In these troubled times, who gives away the limelight to another? But Madam did it with such ease! It takes unfathomable levels of stupidity, and an equal measure of insensitivity to achieve such a feat! Kudos, Madam.

But nothing quite prepares the mind for the astounding discovery by you, esteemed Sir, on the direct co relation between the marriageable age of girls of our nation and the enviable rape statistics of the country. I am sure a discovery of this magnitude could only have come with rigorous research and single minded devotion on the part of the highly educated research analysts assigned to our rural villages, also lovingly known as khaps. You have proven beyond a sliver of doubt that the right to decide when to marry, who to marry and whether to marry at all or not, should not rest with the stupid parents, or gasp!! the girl!........ God forbid if they decide to wait till the girl child is a well educated, confident woman!  Can you imagine how tragic it would be if every girl in the country knew all her rights!! Thank God for such visionaries such as yourself, who most certainly will take us back to the days of glorious Aurangzeb reign! Also, thank God for this glorified, legal, indigenous institution whereby you can, in the comfort of your home, rape young girls at your own convenience - legally!

Epic brainwave, I tell you Sir!!

Last but certainly not the least, this years winner of 'Size 11 foot in mouth' Award goes to the epitome of intelligent life forms. This gentleman has single-handedly, managed to discover the missing link in the evolution of man from monkeys - himself!!

There was a time when consensual sex meant just that! Today, thanks to this genius of a monkey....errr....man, we now know that 'gang-rap(e)' (not to be confused with Gangsta rap, an art form which requires much higher skill levels than owning a penis) is actually a mutated variant of consensual sex. So what if popular belief defines gang rape different from consensual sex! We know it to be one and the same, and this explains our tolerance, and our encouraging, nurturing attitude towards the previously misunderstood breed of people called rapists! Way to go, Vatsyayna'a first cousin!

Sincerely yours,

The Stupid people who vote for you