Vacation fit for God?

Well, it all started with this competition by Indiblogger, and seeing that I've not been to any other country (Dubai doesn't count - it's an extension of Kerala anyway!), this seemed to be the right opportunity for me to venture out. All I needed to do was win this competition on Indiblogger, which has like, oh..... maybe a thousand fantastic bloggers...... Piece of cake!!

(A word of advise to the readers : There are awesome links all through the post, which helped me in my research. Do visit these links - they are really helpful if anyone is planning a trip to Melbourne)

God and I sometimes have conversations when the rest of the world is snoring into oblivion. God, incidentally, is my mentor in cynicism and irony.

(Yeah!Yeah! I know You're Omnipotent and all that - But lets tell these good people how You and I reached that deal, shall we? Just so that they don't waste their time competing for the prize!)

So anyway, I reminded God how good I've been lately, and how badly I needed God to make exceptions to 'thou shalt not be greedy'! I did a lot of research at the official Melbourne website, and the resultant conversation went something like this:

Me : God, now that we've known each other for over three decades, don't You think it's time I got my friendship day present?

God : You've been spending too much time at Archie's gift shops haven't you? Anyway, what is it that you wish for?

Me : I want to go to Melbourne....... No, actually, I want to win this competition..... No, actually, I want to visit all these lovely places in Melbourne, after winning the competition that will take me there.

(There! that should take care of the 'watch what you wish for - it just might come true' fallacy)

God (trying to keep a straight face) : Win? The way you write? That really is pushing it too far, my child. Anyway, why Melbourne?

Me (gushing for required effect) : You know how much I love adventure, right, God?

God (with a patient look in Those benevolent eyes) : Yes, my child, I know. I am still trying to forget every high pitched "Oh Gaaaaaawd - saaaaave me!" each time you landed into one of those 'adventures'. It sure didn't look like you were enjoying yourself back then!

Me : Err.........Ofcourse I was enjoying it! That's how you're supposed to yell when you fall a few feet from a roller coaster! Any way, back to Melbourne. Did You know there's loads of adventure to do there? There's Sky diving.... and car racing .....

God :  I would have thought you'd done enough car racing on Delhi roads - I don't think I can handle more swear words than that!

Me (pretending to ignore the divine voice) : .... and even battle tank riding!! Can you beat that?

God : My child, surely, with all the lovely food I put on your table, even your walk to the car must seem like battle tank riding to you.... (I told you God was my mentor!)

Me : Not fair - I am on a diet, you know! Anyway, speaking of which - there are awesome celebrity chef restaurants in Melbourne - the kinds that serves Masterchef Australia kinda food! And all kinds of international cuisine too (I've always wondered how Vietnamese food tastes, or Spanish for that matter!!) - not to mention pubs!

God : (suppressing a laugh) Yes, child. I have seen you drooling all over the carpet watching Masterchef Australia, and I am aware of the nocturnal effect pubs have on you!

Me : Err..... no, God - I didn't exactly mean I'd spend all my time eating and drinking. And its such a safe place for nightlife too - You of all, know how important that is for a woman these days! Wait - there's so much more!!  Can you imagine floating past the beautiful Melbourne city in a hot air balloon? Hundreds of feet above..... sigh!! And a glass of Australian wine, and a guy proposing to you with a solitaire ring...... sigh!!!

God : Ahem! This is still about Melbourne, is it not? If this is another request for the right guy, let me tell you this conversation is over.

Me: Err..... ofcourse God -  Melbourne is sports crazed, right? And so am I!

God (with one divine Eyebrow raised quizzically) : Which sport, if I may ask, do you play? For I seem to only see you having a go at the X-box in your routine of tardiness!

Me : Whoa! Who said anything about playing?  I watch cricket, and football (or footy, as they would call it in Melbourne) and the stadiums are to die for!! Definitely beats having to watch a match on TV! Also, there are these awesome speed boats, on which I'd like to whizz past the Port Phillip Bay.

God : Hmmm....Port Phillip seems a nice place - actually the kind of place I would head to, if I didn't have to listen to people like you all the time!

Me (seeing a ray of hope) : Yes, absolutely God! It has over 1,950 square kilometres, and is quite comparable to Your abode. I mean, there's fishing, sailing, speed boats, kayaking and snorkeling. And for a change, all of it is clean, with a self-sustaining eco system.  You know how much I admire Your creativity, God. And there is so much beauty in all that marine life in Port Phillip ..... You really are a genius you know!! ...... err......So how about that competition? Am I winning it?

God : Not so fast, you sweet talker! What else are you planning to do there?

Me : I would also love to see the penguins at Phillip Island, which is just 2 hours away from Melbourne (I promise I won't smuggle any back home!).  Or even better..... maybe a moonlit walk through the bountiful natural beauty of a wildlife sanctuary You have so lovingly created in Melbourne.........

God (Smiling with such deep knowledge): So you really thought I'm going to push a few buttons and make you win this competition? You really thought it's your time to visit Melbourne NOW, didn't you?

Well, tough luck, my child........ You see, I am due for a vacation, and I'll let you know all about it when I'm back from Melbourne......... we'll have a little chat - Woman to woman! Be good till then!