Monday, April 1, 2013

Rituals of Life

Life takes a full circle, and comes back with a lesson or two…

This profound truth found its way into my conscience when I started insisting on certain rituals during the course of the day with my children. When I was growing up, my relationship with these seemingly silly rituals enforced by my mother, ranged from gleeful giggles when very young, to rebellious questions when older.

The rituals my mother enforced on us, and the ones I speak of here, are not rituals that are written down in religious scriptures. They are simple, day-to-day activities made closer to the heart, so that we carry comforting memories of it through the trying times in our lives.

For example, we have a “Greeting rule” at home – both when we wake up and when we go to bed. No matter what – whether you are tired, or angry, or have had a fight with one another, the rule stays. Sometimes, it is this simple “Good Morning” or “Good Night” that chips away the differences, and brings the siblings closer to each other.

Another rule enforced rather strictly at home, is the “Hug before you leave” rule. As the name implies, we have hurried hugs, even if the school bus is honking angrily at the gate. Needless to say, the kids run smiling into the bus, even though the early morning routine may not have been entirely to their liking.

Choosing their bed-covers every time it’s time to change them, is another ritual we love to do together. Ofcourse, choosing it extends into helping me with tucking in the washed, crisp sheets and putting in the pillow covers to match. Thus, an activity which would have been considered a chore, now becomes family bonding time, leaving pleasant imprints in their minds.

Laying the table for the family dinner (the only meal we eat at the dining table as a family), picking out the crockery when we have guests over, deciding the menu for parties, or the venue for a celebratory dinner, are all “rituals”. And the rules remain the same: Everyone participates. (Even if you are sulking!!)

We have our ugly days too. A ten year old who thinks her mother is just not ‘cool’ enough to hand over an expensive piece of gadget to her, or a five year old who has just been reprimanded for pouring water all over the living room rug. Mom and Dad have just had an argument about the broken tap. Just like any family, we have our shares of sulks and fights.

But over the years, we have, as a family, evolved into a collective habit. We set aside the sulks and the fights to accommodate these seemingly silly rituals.

This, perhaps, will train them for the future; a future where they will have emotionally, physically and mentally trying times. But also a future where they realise that the tiring times can be set aside to give time to more important things – like a hug, a greeting, for a loved one; or a bed time story for a little one.

This post was originally published at 'Parentous'

23 comments:

  1. You are such an amazing parent! I don't have kids, but I have these rituals with my husband and totally love them. They make our relationship better :)

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    1. Awww......thank you so much Nisha! And am sure it works with every relationship!

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  2. I love the whole concept! Wonderful ideas!

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  3. I have these rituals with Geet and yes they are effective. You are a great parent. I will always remember your posts for the sensible advice given in them.

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    1. You are really kind, Amit. I am a parent who is terribly scared of doing the wrong things, and so am willing to try a lot of little new things :-)

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  4. I never realised how important such rituals, that my mother used to be very particular about (still is), played a part in shaping the kind of person I am today :)

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  5. Training for the future... hope more people understand this!

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  6. as a child we had so many rituals in our family and i hated some..now i miss them , miss my family too at times :)

    http://www.myunfinishedlife.com

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    1. The rituals also ensure that one misses one's family even years later ... thank you Shooting star

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  7. We must pick the morals of life on each iteration or else they will bounce on us like boomerangs. A pleasant and thought-provoking piece.

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    1. Wow!! that was a profound statement, Mr. Pandey..... thank you!

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  8. I so agree with you, Meena. We follow all these rituals. Never realised them as rituals though :) We wish GM and GN. A hug at night with the kids, changing covers...setting dinner table...these things count and matter a lot, right? Loved your post..and I hope to continue the same and many more..

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    1. Thank you so much Latha.... yes, they do count, sometimes much more than all the expensive lifestyle choices we make!

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  9. Wow.. really impressive...Cant wait to start these rituals in family.. As children, we have had family dinner every night and discussions over every silly thing. But hugs and kisses were only when we leave out of town or when we are ill. This post has left a warmth in my heart.

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