Friday, December 28, 2012

Off with their heads.. err.. stubble

This post is a part of the 'Shave or Crave' movement in association with BlogAdda.com

Knowing each other for over 15 years has its pros and cons. (yeah, yeah.... we are ancient and all that!!). G and I know each other well enough to complete each other's sentences, and yet, there are times when shy, subtle hints are just not enough to convey a heartfelt message.

G prides himself on his immaculate grooming at work in the hospitality industry. So much so, that there have been instances where he has shaven twice in a day to ensure brownie points in a meeting. Hence, as I went through the misery called wedding rituals, I would take one look at his drop dead gorgeous looks and congratulate myself on a job well done.

Alas! Little did I know Dr.Jekyl and Mr.Hyde were not a fiction of someone's imagination .... they truly exist! Let me elaborate this complex situation by using a conversation during our first few hours after the wedding ceremonies:

G : Hey gorgeous...... wakey wakey!

Me (eyes still closed) : Hi sweetheaaaaa ...... err..... what happened to you?

G (hands going to his face) : What? Oh this? This is my macho look..... a stubble.... nice, no?

Me : Err...... ummm......... What are we ordering for breakfast? (dodging the deadly weapon on his face in an attempt to save my face.... literally!)

G : What happened?

Me (still trying to be a nice bride) : I haven't brushed yet.......

Thankfully, by the time we were dressed to go out for the day, he was back to being Dr. Jekyl err..... G. Pretty soon, I discovered that G was the alter ego of "Office G", when it came to shaving. He was content with the 5 o'clock shadow (5 o' clock shadow my foot !! what about the morning, evening and night? I could sue whoever coined that phrase) that adorned his face on the days that he lazed around at home.

I tried various subtle hints, from screaming 'Ouch.... A porcupine!!' when his face found mine, to placing his shaving razor at all unimaginable places. (Truth be told, I married a kind man - he did not seem to mind the razor showing up on the breakfast table, on the TV remote, inside his pajama pockets, or even on his favorite spot on the couch! He simply scratched his head muttering "Strange......" while putting it back to where it belonged)

In yet another instance, I clicked photos of him in all his sleeping glory, and showed it to him during an exceptionally romantic moment. He reacted quite badly to the way he looked. "Hey, I look so geeky! Thank God for that stubble, huh?"

Yes, I waited till he walked out of the room to physically try and kick myself, thank you very much!

In another instance, I bought for him, one of the best shaving products (you know, like Gillette says, "The Best a Man Can Get" ....) to try and coax him to shave. He was touched. "Wow!! Thanks dear.... I've  always wanted this one. Will use it when I get ready for the meeting tomorrow" ..... This time I almost succeeded in strangling myself.

Pretty soon, I realized that for the good of all humanity for my own sanity, I would just have to get the message accross.

G and I were looking forward to a lazy weekend.  No parties, no mall hopping, no friends. Perfect oppurtunity!

I decided to go ethnic on him. (Call it slimy, scheming or just plain selfish - whenever I care to wrap the 6 yard devil's creation around me, I use the sari to my distinct advantage). My red georgette sari (thank you, Sridevi and no thanks to you, Mr. India!!) with a ridiculously low cut blouse, not to mention the perfume that G loves, and I was ready.

G : "Whoa!! Where are we going?"

Me : "Nowhere..... why?" (God! I am good at this!)

G : "W-Why are you dressed like that?"

Me : "Oh, you don't like it? I'll change then..........."

G : "No.... please don't. Looks great" (Pulling me towards him, running his hands over my arms)

Me : "You really like my arms, don't you?"

G : "Yeah ..... so soft. You sure we aren't going anywhere? You're wearing that perfume too!"

Me : "Well, I want tell you a secret."

As G's eyes widened like Mr. Bean's, I whispered lovingly in his ear, "I wax my arms, you know."

G : "Huh?"

Me : (still whispering conspiratorily) "I also do unthinkable stuff to my eyebrows too."

G (the gentle soul that he is, he was getting distinctly uncomfortable with the conversation) :  "I already know that.... and I don't think I need the gory details....... W-What do you want?" (I swear, I almost saw him holding a cross to ward me off)

Me (smiling sweetly) : "Why don't you shave on the days you are at home?"

G : "Oh I get it now - you don't like my 'at-home' avatar!!.....  This why I've been finding my razor all over the house? I just want to be me! This is the real 'Me' ......... so get used to it!"

Me : "OK dear. I completely get it."

G : "Y-You do?"

Me : "Yes ofcourse, I do. I love you, remember?"

G (as he took me in his arms) : "I love you too"

Me : "Awwww.... I am sure you too will love the real 'Me' next weekend. 

G : "Err.......What?"

Me (almost gushing in excitement) : I can't tell you how happy I am that I can be in my nightie all day long! And no waxing, no threading, no makeup... wow!! You are a darling, G! ....... Oh! And I hope you like under-arm hair as well...."

The next moment, I was on the floor, G was running towards the bathroom, razor in hand.

Mission accomplished. Sanity restored....... the Best a (Wo)man Can Get indeed!!

41 comments:

  1. Right ..
    this contest has been good now guys like me can find out what all a lady will say to make sure the stubble goes away :)

    All the best for the contest

    Bikram's

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hehehe..... I am sure you want to know :-) .... Thank you for the wishes :-)

      Delete
  2. ha ha :) mission certainly accomplished.

    All the best :)

    -Jas

    ReplyDelete
  3. ha ha ha loved this one.....and what more can I say.......great minds think alike and post on the same day :P

    ReplyDelete
  4. Loved your post...:) Skimming through your blog. Great stuff you have in here. I will be back for more..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for the kind words, Sangeeta! Look forward to your visits :-)

      Delete
  5. :D well that one looks like a tough competitor ;)

    Good one.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much Diptee .... thats a lovely compliment!

      Delete
  6. Reference to Mr. Anil Kapoor noted hahahahahah XD XD

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hehehe..... it didn't sneak past you, eh???

      Delete
  7. This one is the best from the lot I have read so far. Best of luck! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awwww....... that is really kind of you!! Thank you so much!

      Delete
  8. Hey there lady! Awesome! :)

    All the best! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Jincy .... welcome to LaFemme! I LMAO'ed on your post too :-)

      Delete
  9. Oh I hate the weekend stubble as well. It makes us feel so unwanted! Interesting take.. Goodluck!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hehehe....hope the ones who need to get the message get it!! Thanks Nisha!!

      Delete
  10. ROFL ,, just coz i can so relate to it. It happens in every household i must tell u.

    Keep up the good work !!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Alhumdullilah! I seriosly need to re-evaluate my weekend stubble :) All the best Nirvana :)

    n a happy, happy New Year to u, Nirvana :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahahaha!!! Lets just say your wife just might surprise you with innovative ways of appreciation ;-) ...... A happy new year to you too, RAJ!

      Delete
    2. am back, RAJ .... thank you so much! :-)

      Delete
  12. truly said,Nirvana ..Great minds think alike ( though I found your entry better than mine)..Thanks for dropping into my space and leaving such encouraging remarks...I too wish you the same- All the best for the contest..Happy New year :)
    Cheers
    Odyzz

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awww.... thats such a sweet thing to say, Odyzz!Thankyou, and a happy new year to you too!

      Delete
  13. I am clean shaven! *hand on heart* Yes, I am!

    ReplyDelete
  14. The best a reader can get, I would say. Enjoyed reading it.

    All the very best and Happy New Year :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Saru ..... a happy new year to you too!

      Delete
  15. serves them right ! had fun time !
    our ideas are pretty much the same :)
    all the best!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. True, Disha..... most ideas have similar plots .... but still, interesting how each one has their own twists ;-)

      Delete
  16. Hilarious!

    www.anucreations.blogspot.in

    ReplyDelete
  17. So hilarious, yet a witty guide to the wife-me!! ;-)
    Loved the metaphors!!

    ReplyDelete
  18. ha ha, when I saw the topic, I never knew anyone can even write on this topic. Hats off to you

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. oh you'll be surprised, Varsha!! the winners of this compettion had amazing ideas :-D !! Thank you for the kind words.

      Delete