Monday, November 14, 2011

Through the four-year-old looking glass

This entry is a part of the contest at in association with

I know exactly why there seems to be no end to the population situation in the world today! I mean, just take a look at this scenario:
  • Step 1 : Discover you are pregnant (there exist various sub-scenarios within this - but the one I describe here are less controversial. The other situations call for stronger words than *Oh! God, really?*, but this is NOT one of'em.) P.S. .... this step is currently valid only for the ones with a uterus - this may extend to the remainder of the species when science progresses enough to get a guy pregnant (that'll be the day!)
  • Step 2 : Your spouse does the open mouthed,whatcha-been-smoking, glazed out stare, followed by a stammering "A-a-are you s-sure?"  hard enough to think you have been married to a coconut. (what? that's the largest nut I know of, smartass!). P.S.... you really don't want to know what the answer was.
  • Step 3 : Decide to undertake professional hara-kiri, and declare at work that over a few months' time your cabin is going to be occupied by a rapidly growing, highly explosive giant who may want to take more trips to pee, than to the gossip center in the office. P.S... add a dash of no alcohol, no smoking, no dancing, etc etc to the list
  • Step 4 : Spend close to a year trying find your center of gravity - which is constantly shifting due to the above said replacement happening. 
  • Step 5 : Go through something called labor. No, not the blue collar kind. More like the @#$#!@%! kinds. P.S. .... no, you DON'T want to know which word that was.
  • Step 6: Cry your heart out when you hold the little brat for the first time, AND every time he gets hurt.
  • Step 7: Whooosh! Before you know it, little brat is 4 years old, and you pine for baby brat again! Symptoms of this stage : you go "awwwwwwwwwwwwwww....." everytime you see a baby.
  • Step 8: Go back to step 1, with all memories of the steps from 2 to 6 erased from brain. Result? Ta-da..... population control can go fly a kite!

This is EXACTLY how my second child was born.... and he turned 4 yesterday. Some discoveries that his little overactive brain has come up with:
  1. After yesterday, "Happy Birthday" is the new greeting in our house. Every time the phone rings, he runs to pick it up, and he yells a deafening "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" to the caller.
  2. At a wedding, 4-year-old goes up to the bride, stares hard at her, touches her hand, and then asks me "Is she real, or she a cartoon?" (before the collective gasp, an important fact to be considered is that he watches a lot of his sister's Barbie cartoons - so I guess he meant that in a good way!)
  3. What do you do if you have laddoos in both your hands, and have been told by a stupid mom to take blessings from grandparents by touching their feet? Zimble .... you use the power of science. You touch THEIR feet with YOUR feet, and touch YOUR forehead with your forearm. Conduction will take care of the rest! Who said 4 year olds were stupid!
  4. What do you do when everyone around you in class is frantically writing/scribbling, and you have no clue what to write in your notebook ? You start tearing the pages off your book and distributing them to the poor kids who will, no doubt, exhaust all THEIR pages pretty soon. That's what selflessness means, amigos! 
  5. The best way to ensure the milk glass is emptied in 10 seconds? Spill the whole damn thing on the best rug you can find in the house. Better still, pour it into the flower vase - flowers need nutrition too.
  6. Want to look cool? Try wearing left shoe on right foot and vice versa. Never fails to garner attention.
  7. What to do when aunties you don't like, give you a kissy-wissy? Vigorously rub off all contact germs on cheek with shirt sleeve - immediately after the kiss has been planted, RIGHT in front of said Aunty - message delivered.
  8. How to share a cream-filled biscuit with older sister. Open biscuit, lick off ALL the cream from both sides, magnanimously hand over BOTH sides to the unsuspecting sibling.
  9. How to make sure a theatre full of people remember your birthday? Dance to Chammak-challo in the hall, and holler "Happy birthday" to every passer-by.
Happy Birthday Sarthak!!


  1. Dear Sarthak darling,
    On your birthday today,I wish for you years of joy ahead. Hope you feel as free as a bird and explore bluer skies and greener pastures and experience all the beautiful colours of life.

    Special best wishes

    jyotsna maasi

  2. Many happy returns of the day to the little one ..

    I like the emptying of the milk yesssssssss thts the way to do it .. :)

    he he he made me smile the points


  3. Awww he is just soo cute! 4 yr old !! Its a wonderful funny age isnt it! Quite an observation sirjee!

  4. "Naalaam vayasu, natta praanthu". :) That's how the saying goes. ANd going by the looks of it, your son seems to be a totale DUDE! :)

    Happy b'day to him!

  5. Wow... love the way he handles aunty's... have a couple of them myself..guess I should take classes from him ;)
    Happy B'day to the li'l genius..

  6. Happy Birthday to the Little Genius.

    I so wish I could meet him in person to get his autograph. The fact that he is sheer awesome is proven beyond doubt by pointers 3,7,8 and 9, Aakhir Beta kiska hai?

    What does Sarthak mean btw?

  7. Happy Birthday Sarthak!

    Happy Birthday Sarthak!!

    Beautiful name. I did not know his name. Enjoy him as much as you cannnnnnnnn nowwwwww

    Of course an excellent post.

  8. Happy B'day to your little one dear.
    Had me laughing my head off on point 4.
    You really hit the bulls eye there with your thesis on population explosion.

  9. Happy birthday Sarthak.

    And beautiful piece once again M'am

  10. @Jyotsna ... that was so beautiful! Trust you to come up with something that can make me sigh!

    @Bikram.... hmmph! yeah sure... and thats the way to ensure the mother has grey hair faster than her age! thanks for the wishes!

    @Red Handed ... oh yes, the age is cute indeed, and thanx!

    @Spaceman... yeah, thats what my Dad said when he called to wish me! Gosh! the grandparents really knew their stuff, huh?

    @Chitra ... am sure he'd be delighted to give classes to you.... especially if you dress up as a cartoon!

    @Atrocious... hehehe.. Sarthak means ... "Meaningful existence" - if we could translate sanskrit. But then, there is no exact translation for some Sanskrit words.

    @A ... thank you so much! Sarthak was a name coined by his Grandfather.

    @Shadia... thank you so much !

    @Vivek .. thanks for the (Itty) bit... thank you for your wishes!

  11. Lovely lovely post Nirvana :)

    im extremely sorry i missed u in dat list. please send ur guest para by tomorrow. :)

    really sorry buddy. and im not sayin this cos of ur comment. i read ur comment and realized u've actually been a regular commentor. thanks a lot for that too. :)

  12. @Kalpak..... awww that was so sweet!! Thank you so much!

  13. @Aww that dude is sooo cute!! The conduction wala was best!! and is she a cartoon ??? couldn't stop laughing at the innocence :)

  14. @Maithili ... thanks for coming by. And glad you liked the post.

  15. Hi Meena, your blogs are very nice and interesting. We are glad to have multiple entries for the contest from you. Wish you all the best.
    - Ashwini
    Team imlee

    1. @Ashwini ... am honored you took the trouble to visit my blog. Thank you.