A letter to my best friend

Before I begin this post, I want to report what happened to me for the last few months. I was abducted by aliens, who tried to test my IQ levels by attaching wires to my head. They then discovered that there was actually nothing they could find, so released me. I think they are a happy lot now, since they think all humans have the same level of intelligence that they found in me.

Well, that really didn't come out the way it should have, but what the hell! I have decided I am going to write a few posts without editing it in my head. So anyone who is still out there reading this, go ahead at your own risk!

I have been inspired to take on a challenge from a blog I have been reading in my sabbatical.... errr..... alien abduction. Shail's blog has been one of the blogs I have been hooked to for a long time. And maybe, this challenge might help me kick my butt to write a little more often.

So, about this challenge - its aptly called a 30 day letter challenge, where we write letters (Yes, those things we wrote - not typed - to people who stayed far away, or people who we couldn't talk to in person. Case in point - the smuggled in love letters). And the first of these letters are to a best friend - so here goes!

Dear B.F.F. (that's what they call you these days, I am told),

Till a time in my life, when asked to name a best friend, I would have rattled off a string of names still leaving me thinking that I'd left out a few. Those were good times - when the biggest worry one had was that a notebook had been misplaced, or that lunch time was still two classes away! But these times didn't last, and along came what they called the young adult ( the 'adult' bit being debatable) phase - where we made world shattering discoveries and mind numbing decisions. But the good thing was that this phase also brought you along with it.

We've all heard of love at first sight, haven't we? But is there something called friendship at first sight? Because only that could explain the phenomenon we had. First time we spoke, we knew this was way more than pleasantries, or even just hostel room-mates. We had what could be called chemistry - one that was explosive and soothing at the same time. Well okay... explosive for everyone around us and soothing for us when we got in trouble together.

There were fights, weren't there? Little ones that made us miserable and big ones that made us take irrational stands. But when it came to standing up for me, you had done it - whether  I was right or wrong. You walked with me, when it was against every shred of survival to do so. You fought with me to stop me from making decisions obviously clouded by love, hatred, foolishness or alcohol. And when I eventually did do what I wanted to, you stood there to pick me up and dust me off to face another day.

Life may have taken us on strikingly parallel paths today, with so similarity, yet so much geography between us. But the most wonderful thing about you and me is just that - it doesn't really matter how far away you are - you are always the first one I think of calling when I have a secret to share. I can only hope that I have been as giving as you are, in this crazy journey we call life.

P.S. You know we should have just run away together!! :-)

Your crazy friend

Of Broken Hearts and Bonds

A young friend got his heart broken recently. Crushed to smithereens when a long time relationship did not work out. Of course, as friends, we all worry for him, and we all hope he comes out of this unscathed. This is not the only time I have seen a close friend go through a phase in life when all that matters is what they lost.

This young man is almost family for me and he is about a decade ahead of my son. My son and daughter hopefully have a long time before they ever go through something like this, but I can't help penning down my thoughts for them - whenever they are old enough to understand this! So here goes - for you, 'N' - and for my little Gs.

Dear little Gs (I know you aren't little any more),

Firstly, I know you keep thinking I am ancient and all that. Well, unfortunately, that's true - you and I, we are separated by a couple of decades. But maybe, just maybe, I may remember all that it felt to be your age.

You, my dear, are precious to me; and to many people who know you intimately. For us, you have a million wonderful qualities and a few flaws which somehow, make you more endearing to all of us.

Just thinking of you brings a smile to my face, and I find myself thanking providence for having conspired to bring you into my life. (ok..... I may have said otherwise at times, but you both KNOW how exasperating you two can get) Believe me when I say that I am proud of what you have turned out to be, of what you have achieved and of what you will achieve in your life.

What you feel today, is not something that I could take away, even if I tried. You might feel dejected, unsure and disinterested. You might also doubt the very existence of that elusive find called love. You may have a few bouts of I-just-want-to-sleep-out-this-nightmare phases, or a few days when you just don't want to see anyone smiling in this world.

But what if I told you that even if I could, I would not want to protect you from this hurt? What if I told you that this, my dear, is part of who will become in the future? Don't get me wrong - it pains me no end to think that you may be shedding angry tears, or may be working too much to fend off the pain.

But let me tell you what my heartbreak had taught me. It taught me that no incident is stronger than my own will to rise above it - as you too, will soon discover for yourself.

It taught me that trying to find my happiness in someone else is possible only if I am happy with myself.

It taught me that the strongest bonds in this world are the ones that you don't have to labor at. The bonds that seem to last a lifetime are not the ones that try to shape you into someone else - these are the relationships that accept you the way you are, but help you evolve into a secure, confident and truthful young man or woman.

But more than anything, it taught me that in the darkest, deepest hour, I have relationships that don't attach conditions to its existence - unconditional bonds that help me steer into actions or decisions that made me a better person.

Lastly, do not be scared to put your heart out there again, and yet again, my dears. For love, no matter how elusive, does find the heart that thrives on it. Oh, and while you are at it, do remember to laugh along through any opportunity that you may find - you wrinkle much slower that way :-) .

Oh for the Love of Love!!

You can hate it, you can love it, you can scoff about it, or you can be wistful about it. But there's no way you can ignore this mush-in-your-face-festivities called Valentine's day!!

Who cares that it actually is in memory of a martyr? Just like Mother's Day (another festival where the person who championed the cause , actually spent her entire fortune fighting the commercialized version of her dream), Valentine's Day owes its popular existence entirely to the geniuses in the marketing department of card companies.

However, like I said, one really cannot ignore V-day, can we? Whether its the lovestruck couples around you, or the trying-to-get-lucky-in-love variety, or the I-hate-this-day-coz-I'm-so-lonely people you encounter, each one only reminds you that today my dear, is Valentine's Day.

My love-hate relationship with V day began the year I started college. (Yes, yes, laugh all you want. When we were school going kids in a little town tucked away in the hills of Kerala, we had no clue 14th Feb was any different from other days!) 

The shock came by way of being suddenly confronted with different kinds of hopefuls - some were shy and endearing, some haughty and confident, some funny and clueless. (The funny and clueless variety were my favorite!). But as freshers in college, V day was far from pleasant - you had no idea who would spring forth from the corner of the cafeteria to thrust a rose and a chocolate bar at you!

However, at the height of pheromone-driven love, V day syndrome reached a different level - this day was yet another excuse to suffocate the person you love with an overdose of gifts and romantic words stuffed into a card. (Honestly, does anyone remember the Hallmark cards with pages and pages of poetry written on them?). But truth be said, one did not, even for a moment, allow common sense to over rule the heart. Thus, all the ridiculously priced roses, all the unbelievably juvenile gifts did seem to make complete sense to the hormone crazed hearts, didn't they?

The first few years of commitment in love, or what they call 'marriage' brought about a certain saneness in the way we celebrated V-day. I mean you see the guy every day! So of course you are not gushing your heart out in a clandestine meeting over ridiculous candlelight and a teddy bear that cheekily says 'I love you.' But a peer-pressure induced romantic evening was certainly a welcome change from the daily monotony of work-home balance.

As the years go by, and the relationship has moved on from 'I-wonder-if-he-still-loves-me-as-much' phase, love, and everything that symbolizes it, takes on a new meaning. Let me try to decipher what 'love' means to me on this V-day

• When he starts a conversation with, 'I don't know if you will like this........' I know I am going to love the new book, or the new scarf he has picked up for me. (No, there has never been uber-expensive surprises. We prefer long discussions and opinions and choices when we want to spend like there's no tomorrow!)
• When he walks out of the room to have a long conversations on the phone, I don't have the urge to overhear his conversation
• When I cook something special, he urges the kids to yell "Very yummy Mom!" - which the kids comply willingly
• When I have a ridiculous incident (read that as falling flat on my face while walking on perfectly aligned plane surfaces) he tries very hard to hide his laugh.
• When I have a flat tire, even though I know there's no way he's going to be able to help, I still call him. And he, after appropriate sympathetic tut-tuts, tells me the obvious - to call the helpline.
• When I have to take an early morning flight, and I tiptoe around the house getting ready, he will wake up, switch on the living room lights, plop himself on the sofa, and sleep with his eyes open till I leave.
• When we fight over who switches off the light at night, he teams up with both the kids to blackmail me - "Mommmmmeeeeee ....... please switch of the light. We loooooooove you!"
• I reach out and hold his hand in the movie theatre. Sometimes the kids are in between, but we negotiate with them to change seats ;-)
• I like Chinese and Continental food, and he considers only Indian cuisine to be 'food'. So we usually go to multi-cuisine restaurants.
• He smiles indulgently at the daughter when she explains how the silly guy in school does not know chlorophyll helps in photosynthesis. And then he points at me and says 'Did you know Mum was Head Girl in school?'
• His chest visibly swells in pride when kiddo 1 tells kiddo 2 that "Papa's biryani is better than even Mom's!". Truth be told - he does make a mean biryani (an Indian Rice dish)

Maybe this is what its all about -  all the evenings we've crashed out on the couch with the TV blaring well into the night, all the days we have stood in the balcony watching the rain, all the silly games we've played with the kids on the living room carpet, the companionship in this weird unprepared journey called life that we've ventured into.

Maybe there is a method to the madness called love.

Apt quote huh? Credit Birthdayquotes

Happy Valentines Day y'all!! :-)