My elder one, soon to be a highly inquisitive ten-year-old girl, threw a half-hearted tantrum the other day. G and I were quite perplexed with the whole thing, as she has not, in all her growing up years, thrown anything remotely similar to a tantrum (which probably explains why even this one did not quite look convincing enough).
All through her baby years, toddler years and school years, she has put to good use, her convincing skills, her baby charm and her intellect to get what she wants (mostly); and also has given in gracefully when she had realized things aren’t going to work her way.
This sulky avatar was new to us, and we set about analyzing why this little anecdote happened.
This led me to compare the age-wise behaviors of both the kiddos – the elder nine-year old and the younger five-year old. In almost all the tasks that required independence, we discovered that the elder one was far ahead. Let me elaborate…..
She stopped wearing diapers much, much earlier. Infact, there were times when it was a common sight to see a very exasperated mother running behind a very determined two-year old, trying to get her into diapers for the night.
She started eating on her own much earlier. She refused to let anyone come between her and her cereal bowl, once the meal began.
She picked out her clothes quite early, plainly refusing to wear what she thought was not ‘nice’. (the younger one still cares two hoots what I make him wear). She would run around with little feet, fetching the knick knacks that I needed during the course of the day to take care of another brand new baby.
Then it hit me – the new baby had changed my first one!
On hindsight, I do feel that 5-year-old first-born was like a helping hand, while 5-year-old second one is more like a few confused rabbits set loose. With the elder one, when she was five, she knew she had to keep the volume down during nap times, or the baby would wake. The current 5-year-old knows no such rules.
When she was five, she would come back from school, gather her clothes, neatly put her bag in a corner and tip toe in to give me hug. I am also aware that she would do it willingly, just so that life was a little easier for me.
The second one still needs to be threatened, coaxed, warned, bribed and finally screamed at, to do his bit. And when I try emotional blackmail on him, (“Mamma is tired, and will have to do all the work if you don’t help out…”) he looks at me with all the understanding of a cocker spaniel, and continues to create a mess.
Suddenly, it seemed as though being the first-born, daughter dearest grew up much faster. I was suddenly gripped with a strange guilt, wondering if she would have been a different person if she was the second one.
G was quick to the rescue with his arguments – as the first-born, she was the special one – and will always be so. And she did get exclusive time with parents and grandparents for about 5 years.
So I leave you with this question … Is there a flip side to being the first-born?
Read this article that was first published at Parentous, a platform for parents.
All through her baby years, toddler years and school years, she has put to good use, her convincing skills, her baby charm and her intellect to get what she wants (mostly); and also has given in gracefully when she had realized things aren’t going to work her way.
This sulky avatar was new to us, and we set about analyzing why this little anecdote happened.
This led me to compare the age-wise behaviors of both the kiddos – the elder nine-year old and the younger five-year old. In almost all the tasks that required independence, we discovered that the elder one was far ahead. Let me elaborate…..
She stopped wearing diapers much, much earlier. Infact, there were times when it was a common sight to see a very exasperated mother running behind a very determined two-year old, trying to get her into diapers for the night.
She started eating on her own much earlier. She refused to let anyone come between her and her cereal bowl, once the meal began.
She picked out her clothes quite early, plainly refusing to wear what she thought was not ‘nice’. (the younger one still cares two hoots what I make him wear). She would run around with little feet, fetching the knick knacks that I needed during the course of the day to take care of another brand new baby.
Then it hit me – the new baby had changed my first one!
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| The Big 'little' Sister |
On hindsight, I do feel that 5-year-old first-born was like a helping hand, while 5-year-old second one is more like a few confused rabbits set loose. With the elder one, when she was five, she knew she had to keep the volume down during nap times, or the baby would wake. The current 5-year-old knows no such rules.
When she was five, she would come back from school, gather her clothes, neatly put her bag in a corner and tip toe in to give me hug. I am also aware that she would do it willingly, just so that life was a little easier for me.
The second one still needs to be threatened, coaxed, warned, bribed and finally screamed at, to do his bit. And when I try emotional blackmail on him, (“Mamma is tired, and will have to do all the work if you don’t help out…”) he looks at me with all the understanding of a cocker spaniel, and continues to create a mess.
Suddenly, it seemed as though being the first-born, daughter dearest grew up much faster. I was suddenly gripped with a strange guilt, wondering if she would have been a different person if she was the second one.
G was quick to the rescue with his arguments – as the first-born, she was the special one – and will always be so. And she did get exclusive time with parents and grandparents for about 5 years.
So I leave you with this question … Is there a flip side to being the first-born?
Read this article that was first published at Parentous, a platform for parents.
In our case, it's the opposite. we feel the difference after our lil one is born. But the older one is a boy and the younger one is a girl. She is more responsible than him..I think it's more of a boy girl difference here.. :)
ReplyDeletewell, maybe so. Why do you think that happens? Is there some kind of socila conditioning that we unconciously give the girl child? "Ladkiyon ko zor zor se hasna nahi chahiye" types?
DeleteThe good, the bad, the ugly of being the first born. We spend a lifetime trying to life up to expectations.
ReplyDeletehahaha!! how true Purba! I can completely relate to that comment ... sigh!!
DeleteMay be a boy girl difference.. I don't have a second one but I was the second one and despite that more responsible one.... :)
ReplyDeletehmmmmm.... maybe Jas.. but somehow, I don't think its because she's a girl...
DeleteI agree with you. First borns are always more responsible. It is the same with me and my sister. She has spent all her life fitting into my shoes and failed. :P
ReplyDeleteTill date, sentences like - You Maverick! Look at your saintly brother! - are thrown at her.
hehehe..... you are a modest one!! :-P ... but yeah I uderstand what you mean. It is a challenge for the younger one too
DeleteI am a first born girl, I think first borns are like your daughter. As adults too, first borns are bit more responsible, I am married to a second born, so I know. Of course situation and nurture matters too. My little bro, who was a brat and irresponsible kid is a responsible man now, since he's abroad all alone. Although on flip side first borns are a bit stubborn at times. And solemn too..younger ones are entertainers! Just my views...nothing scientific!
ReplyDeleteVarsha, I am married to the baby in the family - so I completely understand - and your views resonate what I feel too!!
DeleteI'm the first born of my family.. I mite also add the coolest n the awesomest too... come to think of it, of the entire clan n community too....
ReplyDeletedunno if its a first born thing but what can I say.. I'm that awesome! :D
fc*klove
hehehe..... now why am I not surprised with that? But then, satya-vachan indeed... you do have a dripping-with-cool'th' blog... so ok I buy that :-D !!
Delete(Taking a bow)
DeleteThanks so much for ur awesomely kind words :)