Troubleshooting

What do we usually do when we want to run away and shove our heads into a hole in the ground, much like an ostrich? We find ourselves a sanctum sanctorum we call our conscience, the place where we can be honest with ourselves, introspect the details of our lives, or dissect the micro-expressions of our reactions (got that word from a highly impressive serial called "Lie to me" - more on that later).....

......OR we dig into that sinful bowl of gooey chocolate ice cream with whipped cream!!

Well, that works well too, if you are a kill-me-by-putting-me-on-a-diet person. But there are other options too....

- Talk to girlfriends : This is strictly for the womenfolk, for where men are concerned, this option becomes highly dangerous, leading to misunderstandings, fights, break ups or sex - all of which have consequences (!!??). But for women, girlfriends are exactly that - girly women friends, who can talk till eternity and help you feel as though you are just one of a kind; so grin and bear it, baby. A true girlfriend will listen, shake her head in empathy, tell you how SHE has the SAME problem, and bind you in sisterhood. You may not have a solution to the problem at hand - but who cares? You come out feeling like a brand new penny.

- Take a walk : I mean, literally. Take a walk, at the same speed you would, if you had to beat up that slimy @#!%X#$%! responsible for your agony (note here: if you don't have anyone but yourself to blame, this methodology will give you serious, and I mean SERIOUS depression - so stay clear, and hit the Ice cream bucket immediately). After a few minutes (or seconds, depending on your definition of exercise and physical fitness) you will be so out of breath, you will feel good just thinking about the number of calories you burnt in that rage-walk......

- Talk yo your dog : No - a cat will not do. It HAS to be a dog. A cat will give you the same look your the shrink gave you when you told him you were having serious ice cream binges. A dog, on the other hand, will give you some tail wagging welcome, and lick your hands like you were made of liquorice.... and you feel wanted all at once! Also, the dog will give you a serious ear when you discuss the problem with the new b****h in the neighbourhood (so what if he doesn't know we are talking about a real person, and not his love interest)....

- Watch a video : Let me clarify - watch a movie that will make you sob like a toddler in playschool... and then take a good look at yourself in the mirror. One of two things guaranteed - you will either faint in fear at the image in the mirror, or you will ROFL looking at your image - again, depending on your misconceptions about yourself. This, is a twisted way, takes your attention off the problem.

- Eat like a pig : Scientists say when in a nervous situation, people ate much faster than otherwise. That proves the connection between the brain and the tongue... so go fill up the fridge with the stuff heaven is made of. For all you know, once you are done with all the eating you just might get the entry to heaven much faster than you imagined.....

- Find someone to blame : Let me be more specific.... find someone to blame AND spend a good amount of your waking time for the next couple of days bitching about that person. Of course, here you would need the dog or the friend mentioned earlier.

LAST, but with unexplainable side effects

- Down a couple : A couple of smalls, or larges, or patialas - or what the heck a few bottles if you please.... results varying from stupidity to amnesia have all been witnessed. The after-effects, (lovingly called hangovers by the ones who have attained black belt in this feat) however, depend entirely on your destiny.

Now.... please go ahead and choose your poison.