The alphabet song - An ode to us......

The best skill my Hotel Management college, and subsequently career, gave me is the ability to laugh at myself, which explains why I am able to collect all the perceptions the rest of the world has about us Keralites (a.k.a. Mallus, Malayalees, Malabaris....)and present it here...

The fact that I got married to a chap whose knowledge of the geography of the country was restricted to Delhi, Faridabad and Gurgaon did wonders to my already tolerant demeanor. (Ofcourse, he can now give a lecture on the districts, sub districts and postal codes of my homeland - the place they call "Gods own country".....)

So lets begin to wreck some myths:

A stands for "Apple" which gives away the true Mallu when he says the word...also stands for 'Avial' - one of the favorite dishes in a feast!!

B stands for "Bess" (or 'bus' as the rest of the world knows it) which is the favorite mode of transport.

C stands for "chaya" which is the beverage that we are proud to produce, package, brew and sell to millions. Closely follows "Chayakada" which is where the famous One meter tea can be found.....And how can one forget - the 'coconut'!!

D stands for 'Da' or 'Di' wherever applicable - its the equivalent of 'tu' in Hindi (see - we have gender differentiation too...)... also stands for 'Duubbai'... where 'yevryone' dreams of going one day!!

E stands for 'yevrrywhere' which is where you will find our clan...

F stands for "forrin" which is where someone in everyone's household is....also stands for 'fish' which is a staple in most homes....

G stands for "Gold" which we love to wear, buy, gift, flaunt, hoard, and when we get bored of the designs, exchange it for a new one in the current fashion....

H stands for 'haluaa' which is made from every known fruit to us... bananas, jack fruit, mangoes, apples, figs and am sure there are more......

I stands for "Iyyoo" - the equivalent of the Hindi 'Arre...."

J stands for 'jolshyan' - the family astrologer (or jyotshi...)... who is consulted for everything from wedding dates, buying cars and houses to names of children....(even know a remote aunt who calls for the jolshyan when she has to go visiting relatives - who stay in the same city!!)

K stands, ofcourse for 'Keralam'.... which is what we call our land... also stands for the 'kanji' ...... the stuff you get to eat when you fall ill and can't eat anything else!!

L stands for 'lolakutty' the caricature of the Mallu girl..

M stands for 'Madrasi' - which drives every true blooded Malluu up the wall if used to denote him/her!! Also stands for the 'Mundu' - the white dhoti we all love....and how can we forget - MOHANLAL and MAMMOOTY - the two demigods of mallu filmdom??

N stands for 'namaskaaaram' which is the age old greeting in malluland....

O stands for 'Oil' (more specifically, coconut oil) which we use on hair, body, massages, and Cooking!! Closely followed by "Onam" - the time when every Keralite remembers to wear the 'Mundu'

P stands for 'payasam' - we have a hundred varieties of them, and each one has a different taste....

Q stands for Quwait (actually, Kuawit but cant think of anything else)- number two in the wishlist, after Duubbai...

R stands for 'rains' which is like, forever in Kerala

S is for 'Sadya' which is a feast every true Keralite remembers fondly - either in marriages or in festivals...

T is for 'teacher' which is the occupation most wannabe brides opt for in Kerala!!

U stands for 'umberla' (or umbrella) - every self respecting mallu has one safely tucked under his arm or, in case of women, nicely folded and put in purses!

V stands for 'Vishu' the other big festival of Keralites - falls on Baisakhi day....

W stands for 'what' and 'water' - pronounced 'vhat' and 'vater' by the true Keralite

X ofcourse stands for X-mas which we celebrate with lovely homemade rum cakes sent in by the Christian neighbors (if we aren't Christians ourselves)..... must mention here that we have almost equal number of Christians, Muslims and Hindus in Gods own Country, and we have a ball enjoying each other's cultures and festivals!!

Y stands for 'Yesudas' - or Dr.K.J.Yesudas to be precise - the pride of Kerala's lovely music - from classical to rock, from Malayalam to Arabic - the guys done it all!! Yet to find a mallu who doesn't swell in pride when his name is mentioned...

Z stands for the last letter of the alphabet (lost here guys........ can't think of anything!