Sunday, February 23, 2014

Exams for Mommy - Condition Serious Hai!

Exams - the stuff that nightmares are made of, nights that you resented Dad yanking the cable connection off, or the cold winter mornings when Mom just pulled the snug blanket off to get you up before sunrise to do that dreaded thing called 'revision'.

Suddenly, the "seriousness" quotient of the whole world would climb up a few notches. Parents, grandparents, neighbors, the electricity board  (remember how the power cuts would happen right when you were ready to start peeling open the books?) and even the neighborhood stray dogs, would wear a glum, serious air about themselves.

Once past the mandated post graduation, I thought I had left behind those dreaded days. Well, think again. Exams have come back with a vengeance, and how!

No, I have NOT lost my mind, nor decided to shock my unassuming spouse and do my PHD. I am merely taking you through yet another agonizing phase of parenthood - one that no one warned me about! I am talking of karma coming to bite you in the derriere...... the kiddos' exams!

Even worse are the situations where you end up meeting other parents who are battling the same woes as you are. Some familiar situations during the exam season, where you wish people would take a heavy dose of anti-seriousness medications :

Scenario 1 :
Occasion : PTM meet (for those who still haven't been hit by the asteroid called parenthood, PTM means Parent - Teacher Meeting)
Teacher with a no-nonsense look and a dreadful looking pile of answer sheets in front of her. You know that one of those red-tinged white sheets is filled with your child's endearing but utterly stupid answers. Sweaty palms and silly smile, you approach her, looking and feeling every bit the guilty parent you are. After all, your child did score a few marks less than she did last year! You make an immediate pact with yourself to start spending more time on the child's studies from now on; if only the teacher let you off the hook this time. Instantly, you are transported two decades back in time, where you sat cringing in front of your teacher.

The cringing gives way to stammered responses when the teacher gives one disapproving glance at you. "Errr.... Ma'am, no I haven't actually made a time table for the kiddo at home, but I do ensure that he eats, sleeps, plays and studies regularly..... No Ma'am, I meant "play"... as in when the kid runs around with other kids and laughs hysterically when he falls and scrapes his knee? Not heard of it?"

Scenario 2 :
Occasion : Some much needed retail therapy
You are shopping with a vengeance, trying to get some of the exam depression out of your veins, when you spot a fellow parent, wrought with the same nightmares as you. The only difference - her child is the class topper. Needless to say,  you try to blend in with the surroundings, using the tiny mannequin to hide your enviable frame. But with the kind of luck you've been having these days, the super-mom decides to check out that very mannequin, bumping into you.

Ofcourse, the only think she wants to talk about is the exam syllabus and the woes of losing that one mark.You haven't heard half of what she is rambling about, and suddenly panic sets in as you remember your kid is in the same class! Panic converts into full fledged hyperventilation when you discover that said parent knows the exact page number of every question that has been asked since Man discovered fire!

Makes one wonder, doesn't it? We have managed to take the joy of learning and discovery, and convert it into a competitive sport that everyone dreads. Not just education, we do it with everything that crosses our path. Don't believe me? Lets see.....

Kiddo loves dancing?  Well, just enroll him into a dancing school, put him through  grueling schedules just so he can go participate in a competition. Kid good in sports? Well, lets just step in and take away the joy of playing and get her to worry about competing.

See the pattern here? This is the scary pattern of the very contagious disease called #ConditionSeriousHai
which can only be cured by regular doses of laughter, friends and tasty treats.

This is a post that has been written for the contest by indiblogger and Cadbury 5 star for the #ConditionSeriousHai contest.


  1. My father often quipped that exams and homework these days are not intended for the kids but for their parents; beginning to realize that wiser words could not have been spoken after reading your post.

    Welcome back.

    1. Thank you so much AS!! Been a while, hasn't it?? Good to be back. And exams are indeed designed for parents rather than the kids!

  2. HAhahaha...well I feel bad for my mother. She used to help me prepare for my exams as well as prepare for her departmental exams! :)

    1. yup! i felt bad for my mom too, but now I just have enough time to feel bad for myself :-).