What a Real Mother's Day would look like

I woke up at 2 am today. It was a phone call from my seventeen year old. "Hey mom, Happy Mother's Day". Before we hear a collective "Awwwwww......", let me give you a different perspective in this blog post.

Back to the phone call.Yes the time was surprising. But what was more surprising, was she was in the room right next to mine, living the teenage dream - no school, no homework, no worries of early morning rush - all thanks to the lock-down.

We can attribute the odd timing and the unnecessary use of technology, to the newfound pre-adult, pre-common sense age, with a huge dollop of laziness slathered on top. But what comes next leaves me baffled. "Mom, can I use the microwave to make something in the baking tray."

Now please remember - to my groggy, sleep deprived brain, this whole conversation seems like spy-level coded language. My response?  "Err..... Whaaaat? Shut up and go to sleep. If you want to see another meal in your life, go to sleep RIGHT now."

Yes, I know. Very crude, very unimaginative. But it works like a charm EACH time. Pesky teenager problem solved, and BOOM! before you know it, the day has begun. How do I know? Because my other newbie teenager, a 13 year old boy with the attention span of a cocker-spaniel and the appetite of Godzilla, wakes me up screaming "Happy Mother's Day, Mom!"

Truth be told, both the kids are definitely caught up in the "thank-your-mom-its- Mothers Day" song and dance routine. Not to mention various Ads and Whatsapp forwards that float around to remind people of their relationships (that are in jeopardy because of the said Whatsapp in the first place!!). Result : A very hyped up day for a very underestimated role - that of a human being tasked with the responsibility of OTHER human beings.

You know what I would like to see? A REAL advert showing REAL moms. A whatsapp forward that shows the grit, the frustration and the insane commitment required for parenting (not only Moms, dads too!) And doesn't show the all sacrificing, all forgiving, ever patient, ever smiling Mother Goddess! The saccharine sweet smiles and hugs! Ugh!!

Ask any mom who juggles drool, diapers and the desire to be human again! Ask any parent who tries to reason with a young adult in matters of education and lifestyle choices. Let’s look at a few slices in  real mom's lives

• Child 1 and 2 decide to use cricket bat / badminton racket / saucepan / hair brush etc as combat weapons. The house is ofcourse, collateral damage. Mom becomes Darth Vader and uses her eye stare and insanely low pitched threats to keep child 1 in bedroom 1 WITHOUT her lifeline a.k.a. “Ze phone”, and sends child 2 to take the dog for a walk while he learns to talk without using karate moves on his sister. Mission “I hate Mom” concluded successfully 
• Child 1 wants to bake her first ever cake. Refuses help, suggestions or taste checks. After all, YouTube is the new masterchef apparently. Mom watches this unprecedented display of kitchen skills for 4 dauntingly painful hours and decides enough is enough and starts making loud, appreciative comments on the doubtful smells from the oven. This is immediately followed by frantic salvage attempts to restore child 1’s pride.
• Child 2 does not understand concept of wet and dry - be it bathrooms, kitchen or even poor Leo (our 2 year old golden retriever). So, any instances of water in the wrong place, the root cause will point towards child 2. So much so that now, any water episode is an open and shut case, that always ends with high decibel levels and door banging sessions.
• Lockdown presents itself as a vibrant canvas for all sorts of hilarious instances on a regular basis. From disastrous recipes to distributing household chores, each activity lends itself to future stories for embarrassing the people we love. My household is no different. We have successfully created TV watch time schedules and innovative time out punishments for any non compliance - produced and directed by mom ofcourse
• Waking up to the soft light of the sun and the sweet chirping of song birds? You must be dreaming ! (If you are a mom). More likely you are waking up to a little foot on you face, or the dreaded thought of missing ingredients for today’s lunch request. Along with the sudden memory of the garbage bag not left out last night. 
• And when the day ends, and you decide to give yourself some well deserved TV time, guess where the remote is. Surprise surprise - child 2 has decided to get back at child 1 by hiding it in such a fantastic spot that even child 1 can’t locate it now. Sigh!!! Back to threatening mass destruction if the remote is not found - happy Mother’s Day indeed.

That said, we mothers love our job. We may hate the pace, the expectations and the comp&ben. But we wouldn’t dream of delegating this bit of our life. Happy Mother’s Day to all the Real moms out there. Moms who look exhausted, worn out and like they could do with a shower. Moms who sometimes want to run out of the house screaming “I surrender ..... just give me my life back!” Moms who are overwhelmed by the responsibility of creating the citizens of the world tomorrow...... You Rock!!

Never say Never

When I stopped writing a few years ago, I made a pact with myself that I was no longer naive enough to think that putting words into paper (err... keyboard) would make me feel better about everything that happened around me. But here I am, prodigal child to the written word, with hopes and naivety intact.

If Life were a person, I absolutely KNOW what she's like. (Oh yeah! Its a She - no doubts about it)

Life .....

.... She's a no-nonsense friend. She doesn't give me a shoulder to cry on, or a moment to pity myself. She ensures I am enveloped by so many actionables in my routine, that I barely remember whether I am coming or going!

.... She's not a conversationalist. She demands intuitive action, sometimes making me do stupid things. Things that she ensures, teaches me something I hadn't known earlier.

.... She doesn't like excuses - I have tried and failed miserably when trying to get her to see why I shouldn't have lost that last round of  the game. She scoffs and scowls when I begin to stammer a reason for my failure

..... Nor is she a fan of my pride. She doesn't skip a beat to remind me who's ACTUALLY in-charge! God forbid, I have a moment when I am just a wee bit full of myself!

..... She does, however, employ services of her good friend Serendipity, when I am stuck in a corner sometimes. But not before I have tried every trick, bruised every muscle, used every ounce of my resources.

.... She uses her imaginative side, when she decides who to put in my path - from acquaintances who become support systems, to guest appearances who become inspirations, she directs this soap opera I call my life.

.... Funnily, she doesn't claim to be my friend. Nor my well wisher. She doesn't ask permission before she turns my world upside down. But she gives me love, strength and purpose - so I can sort my world all over again.

Hey Life! Guess what?

I may not know your scheme of things. I may stumble clumsily at every new turn. But I am learning to trust your instincts now. Thank you for being on my side, even when you're not.